Fathers Need to Know
No father wants to imagine his child is looking at pornography, but it is happening every day. Some researchers have stated that the average age of exposure to pornography is down to eight.1 Other research says that by 11 years of age children have been exposed to pornography.
5 Keys to Successfully Raising Your Teens to be Porn-Free
- Love on your kids
- Teach them to love God
- Be open and honest about your failings
- Expect the best from your teens
- Monitor your teens
Love on Your Kids
Stay engaged in your teen’s life. Keep listening and talking. Youth pastor, Tim Block said, “Communication is critical in helping teens realize that this is a winnable war as we depend on God’s indwelling Holy Spirit to enable and strengthen us.” 2
It is a good idea to spend time with each of your children individually. This gives you both an opportunity to get to know each other, and it makes children feel very special. Think seriously before accepting a promotion that takes you out of town a lot. I learned this from hearing the stories of many men with father wounds. Their fathers were just not there during these critical years.
Teach Them to Love God
Encourage Bible memorization. Make it a fun game. There is great power in memorizing verses. “I have stored up your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you,” Psalm 119:11 (ESV.) Have Bible studies in your home and encourage your teens to be involved in the teen group at your church. Go to church as a family on Sunday. Show your teens that your faith is very important to you. Memorize these verses with them: Romans 12:1-2, 1 Corinthians 10:13, Philippians 4:7-8.
Why is reading the Bible so important for your teens? It is important because no matter how young in the faith they are, the Holy Spirit is at work when they read. The Holy Spirit will cause conviction, which leads to obedience to the Word. When a teen commits to obey the conviction, they are moving towards surrender. Surrender is the willingness to do anything for God. 3 Surrender is giving up our rights and following what God has laid on our hearts.4 Talk to your teens about their faith. Ask your teens about their personal testimony, not how they became saved but their lifestyles. What areas need changing to make them better witnesses. 5
Have them come up with their own “I” statements about what areas in their lives need changing. This gives you something to discuss as an accountability item. When you review these together, you are reviewing directions that they gave to themselves. 5
I recommend reading this helpful book, Protecting Your Teen From Disturbing Behavior, by Lee Vuckich and Steve Vandegriff, 2007, Living Ink Books.
Be Open and Honest About Your Failings
There is a transition that needs to happen between raising little children and raising teens. It is sad that we have to make this transition at such an early age now, even as young as eight. But since these young people are facing such harsh realities, we need to be real with them. As the parent, you can be a stumbling block to a young person’s development into young adulthood.
We need to admit when we are wrong. We have to be vulnerable. That way, when your teens have issues, they will know they can talk to you because you are not perfect either. You’ve made it safe for them to talk to you. They need to know you have had to work through your own struggles with cigarettes, alcohol, and sexual matters.
Expect the Best From Your Teens
You should expect the best from your teens in order to help them do their best. You need to set boundaries. Boundaries make children feel secure. Tim Block emphasized that: ”Establishing boundaries that are consistent with God’s Word are paramount.” Create an environment in which they can succeed.
Monitor Your Teens
You will only know if your teens are staying within the boundaries by monitoring their behavior. Accountability is important. Travis Armstrong, Director of Marriage Ministries, and formerly Pastor of Junior High School Students at Grace Church, reports that teens are embracing the seriousness of the battle going on for their souls. “Teens are having accountability with each other and using texting as the means of helping each other.”
About the Author
Dave Howe co-founded a men’s purity group at Grace Church in Eden Prairie MN in 2006. His devotional/workbook, Live Pure and Free-The 90 Day Game Changer has been helping thousands of men find their freedom from unwanted sexual behaviors. Follow his blog at: Davehowe.org and on Twitter: @DaveJ_Howe
Photo Credit: Photo by Steve Wiesner on Unsplash
End Notes:
- http://www.focusonthefamily.com/parenting/sexuality/when-children-use-pornography/when-children-view-pornography. When Children View Pornography by Rob Jackson.
- Tim Block is now Family Life and Children’s Pastor at Mission Viejo Christian Church in California.
- P 26-27 Protecting You Teen From Disturbing Behavior by Lee Vuckich and Steve Vandegriff 2007 Living Ink Books
- P 34 ibid
- P 32 ibid
Dave Howe.org 