You might have noticed that men and women are not the same. They not only look different, but men’s brains work in an entirely different way than women’s brains. We’re meant to complement each other. That is fine, but as guys we run into trouble because we assume that women think the same way we do. They don’t. In order to start to understand why you are getting into trouble with your wife, let’s look at a scenario, learn about the man’s brain, then the woman’s brain, and finally analyze what happened during the scenario and how you can have a happier outcome.
Scenario- You’re busy getting ready for work one morning and the house is very chaotic as usual. You get to the breakfast table and you snap over something and you yell at the kids and at your wife. You say some mean things to your wife that you shouldn’t have said. Then you head to the garage to go to work. You have a great day at work and come home tired, but in a cheerful mood. Now you’re home with your family. Your wife, however, is not in a good mood. She is short with you and doesn’t want to talk. That night there is no romance and she is very cold to your advances.
You’re wondering, “What happened? What’s going on? What did I do?”
This discussion of how women’s and men’s brains are different will help explain what happened, and how you can prevent this from happening in the future.
Men are very skilled at compartmentalizing their lives. This God-given ability is helpful to keep men focused on what needs to get done. It helps them keep the main thing the main thing.
Man has a compartment, or let’s call it a box for everything. There is a box for the car, a box for the kids, a box for his wife, a box for his job, a box for fishing, a box for all kinds of things. There are boxes everywhere in his brain. The boxes must not touch. If a man is going to talk fishing, he pulls out the fishing box and that is the only subject he will talk about. When he’s done, he carefully puts the fishing box back taking care not to touch any other boxes. In the morning he is in the family box, but the minute he gets into his car, or runs to the bus or train, he is in the work box.
The woman’s brain is not like the man’s. There are no boxes. That’s right, no boxes. There is a big bunch of wires all connected together. The kids are connected to my mother, mother is connected to the school, the doctor is connected to the hair stylist, to the husband, to the bank, to the grocery store… they are all connected! And the brain is driven by the energy of emotion. Each event that happens to a woman is imprinted on the brain with an emotion. That’s why women tend to remember everything. The same thing is true for men, but honestly, there is no emotional attachment because generally, as men, we don’t care.
As an important aside for men dealing with their purity. If we are viewing porn, lusting after a woman, or having an affair, we have an emotional attachment which imprints on our brain and bonds us to a woman who is not our wife. It creates an unholy attachment that draws us back into sin.
Going back to the men’s brain for a moment, the man’s brain has something that drives women crazy and not in a good way. It is called, The Nothing Box. There is nothing in it, and men will go there whenever they have the opportunity. It’s what allows men to enjoy some mindless activities like fishing. I love fishing, but I have to admit, to an outsider, it looks pretty mindless. Men can think about nothing and still breathe. And men, there is nothing that drives a woman more crazy than the sight of a man doing NOTHING. Keep that in mind guys.
Analysis of the Scenario–
Let’s analyze it. You were in your family box when the yelling happened that morning and you said those things you shouldn’t have said. When you got into your car, you stored the family box back in your brain and pulled out the work box. You went to work not thinking of the injured parties you left in the kitchen.
Meanwhile your wife did not switch into some other box when you left for work. An emotional imprint of pain was made on her brain. She carried that around all day which affected her entire day. When you came home from work she was still feeling that pain.
The solution is to talk to her and apologize for what happened that morning and make amends for the pain you caused. You could text her, or call her, during the day and say you’re sorry and you’re thinking about her. You might bring home flowers or something you know she really likes. Acknowledge the pain you caused and do what you can to bring healing to her.
Now it’s your turn!
Share your thoughts and experiences on this topic in the comments. Let me know if you can relate to the scenario. Did this help you?
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I recently received this email from a professional Christian sexual purity counselor. He ran purity groups at his church and helped thousands of men with their purity, so I highly value his comments about my purity book.
I just thought I’d drop you a quick note of appreciation. I recommended your book, Live Pure and Free, to a client and asked him to answer the questions as he read through it. He is getting a lot out of it. Just wanted you to know that it is a good tool for counselors to use with clients battling sexual addiction.
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The ideas about the differences between men’s and women’s brains are ideas presented by Mark Gungor. Mark Gungor and Laugh Your Way Ministries have granted me permission to use these ideas in this post. More information available at: https://markgungor.com/