You may be thinking, “Where do I start?” or, “I am so deep into this how can I possibly get on track?” You may even be thinking that God can no longer love you because what you have done is so repulsive to Him.
The good news is that God’s love is crazy big and irrational by our human understanding. He loves you and is right there waiting for you to ask him for help. He has the power to help you. He knows on your own you will not be able to do it.
Let’s get started on some things you can be doing right now. These are a combination of spiritual and symptom related items. You need both to get started.
- Make Jesus the Lord of your life- If you have not prayed to receive Jesus as your Lord and Savior, now is the time. On our own we cannot overcome sexual sin, but with God’s power we can. Admit you are a sinner and need God’s forgiveness. Ask Jesus to be your Lord and Savior.
- Make a manly promise that you will dedicate yourself to being sexually pure- Start with a declaration similar to this: “Lord, I know what I am doing is wrong. I now plant my flag today for sexual purity. I solemnly commit to being sexually pure. I cannot do it on my own, but I accept what you said in your word that when I am weak, you are strong. I can do it with your strength. When you think about sinning, call yourself on the promise you made. Without a solemn commitment you end up struggling every time an opportunity comes along.
Reject Satan’s plan to keep you trapped in shame and silence.
- Get an ally- Find a trusted Christian man in your life to partner with you. Believe me, after doing this ministry for 14 years, I assure you that when you discuss this with your friend he will either admit he struggles too, or will be sympathetic to your need. Get Covenant Eyes or similar accountability software on your computer and have the reports go to your accountability partner.
- Direct all your sexual energy to your wife- In the midst of your sexual sin your sexual energy is going all over town and then into porn videos. Focus your energy on her. Show her that you love her. If you are single, focus on the Lord and devote yourself to him.
- Look at women in a new way- You are probably looking at all women in a sexual way because of your lust and porn viewing. Immediately decide that you will look differently at women. Look at young girls as your daughter, peers as sisters, and older women as moms.
- Bounce the eyes– What you want to stop doing is feasting on women. When you see a provocative woman, immediately bounce your eyes away from her and do not go back for your usual second and third looks. You need to stop feeding the lust monster and that will take some very deliberate action on your part. This is a very effective place to get started on your journey.*
- Put on the full armor of God every day- This is a spiritual battle. Put on that full armor every day so you won’t be tricked by the devil’s schemes. You will find the full armor in Ephesians 6:11-17. Pray this every day.
- Throw the mountain of sexual sin into the sea- Go ahead and test your faith and the Lord here. Matthew 21:21-22 says, “And Jesus answered them, “Truly, I say to you, if you have faith and do not doubt, you will not only do what has been done to the fig tree, but even if you say to this mountain, ‘Be taken up and thrown into the sea,’ it will happen.” (ESV) This comes down to believing that the God of the universe loves you and can do anything.
Finally- While you are doing these things, start looking for a purity group that you can attend. I think the group is critical to your growth and healing. Join the group and make this the year you get pure! Write down the goal that you will be pure by the end of one year. You can do it with God’s power and the love of some Christian brothers who understand what you are facing because they are facing the same struggles each day. The group will help you get at the root cause of your sexual sin.
You can start a support group at your church using my purity devotional/workbook, Live Pure and Free-The 90 Day Game Changer. I now have a Group Study Guide available so that you can successfully lead an 18-week study. For a limited time, the Group Study Guide is FREE.
You can be free in Christ and I wish you success in the Lord.
*This great idea is from the book, “Every Man’s Battle” by Stoeker and Arterburn, WaterBrook Press 2009.